Free Will -- Free Ham

Saturday August 13, 2005

AM. PM. What's the difference? Thought today's LV Track Club run was at 7 am. Good thing I checked again last night before showing up 12 hours early today. Won't be able to make night run. Work conflict. So instead got in a nice 11-mile run along I-215 bike path and then back Pecos to Warm Sprnigs and home. That was tough and to think I'll have to much more than double that to run Dec. 4 LV Marathon. I don't know. It's gonna be tough.

Yesterday's Timshel passage from East of Eden was much misunderstood but that's OK, I didn't begin to get it until I'd read it 20 times. But the essence is we have free will and if we are bad we can make up for it with good.

Which brings me to this crazy L&C abstinence thing. I'm really starting to have my doubts as I near my seven week anniversary Monday. Last night I was so bored I could really have used and enjoyed a beer. I don't know if I can make it another 13 months to the day. Buffalo's going to be tough. My two biggest drinking buddies are there Don McCoy and Dan Nuchereno. Between us we've drank enough beer to fill all five Great Lakes. If by some miracle I get through Buffalo sober the next obstacle will be if I successfully complete the marathon. How could I do that without a barley celebration?

But at least I want to make it through my next A1C blood test. If that proves I've beat diabetes I might be forced to celebrate.

Then if I do by some miracle complete the 434 days grog-free whose to say I won't drink myself to death like Nick Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. And my hero Meriwether Lewis only lasted about 30 months after the expedition before suicide, perhaps alcohol induced ended his life.

But I have free will. Is that a curse or a blessing?

Still hanging in there but it ain't easy.